FOOTBALL SCHEDULE

Come Sunday morning, Tiger fans will have more reason to boast while Volunteer supporters will be left scratching their heads and wondering when they’ll be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

The meeting between the Tigers and Volunteers is a study in contrasts. In everything from the demeanor of their head coaches to their respective strengths and weaknesses, the two teams are polar opposites.

Chizik is low key. He gives little to the media beyond standard coaching cliches and pat phrases. His press conferences are virtually interchangeable. He’s cautious, reserved and evokes a business only aura.

Kiffin is ebullient. He’s angered opposing coaches and drawn the ire of SEC Commissioner Roy Kramer by sniping at rivals, and engaging in media-fueled battles with opposing coaches. His press conferences are events, because no one is really sure what Kiffin’s going to say— or have to apologize for—next.

Chizik’s Tigers have surpassed early expectations. Poll voters haven’t noticed, but Auburn is 4-0.

Kiffin’s Volunteers have struggled to match his abrasive bravado. Tennessee checks in at 2-2, or 3-1 if you count moral victories. At this point, polls are the last thing on their mind.

Chizik came to Auburn with a reputation as a defensive wizard. As defensive coordinator at Auburn and then Texas he presided over two straight undefeated seasons and one national title—or two if you count titles like cross-state rival Bama fans do.

Kiffin was the pick at Tennessee in large part because of his work with the offense at USC, where the Trojans were a perennial national contender.

Irony number one?

Chizik won his Texas national title while running the Longhorn defense against Kiffin’s Trojans.

Irony number two?

Despite Kiffin’s offensive reputation, Tennessee’s best chance on Saturday rests with its defense. The Volunteer offense remains stuck on start and has shown little sign of go. The Tennessee defense is talented and extremely effective.

Conversely, Chizik’s defensive rep is overshadowed by Auburn’s performance on offense. Questions abound for the Tiger defense, but the Auburn offense has rolled up more than 500 yards per game on average and is scoring a blistering 45 points per outing.

On Saturday something has to give.

Tennessee defensive coordinator Monte Kiffin, Lane’s father, devised an outstanding plan to put the brakes on Tim Tebow and the Florida Gators in a 23-13 loss/moral victory at Florida.

Chances are the elder Kiffin will have a similar scheme to derail a resurgent Chris Todd and the high-scoring Tiger offense.

Kiffin’s task was made significantly more difficult with the loss of linebacker Nick Reveiz, whose 27 tackles are third on the team.

The problem for the Volunteers is that the Auburn offense seems capable of putting points on the board. Tennessee might be able to slow it down, but the chance of stopping it outright seems remote.

Auburn averages 526 yards and 45 points per game. The Tigers pick up an average of seven yards per play. Even if the Volunteer defense is able to cut that production in half, it will likely still be enough against a Tennessee offense that puts the in in inept.

The Volunteers are moderately effective at running the ball (nearly 200 yards per game), but to say Tennessee quarterback Jonathan Crompton has struggled would be putting it kindly.

Crompton has thrown eight interceptions in just four games. A six-year old child could draw up the defensive gameplan against Tennessee.

Put eight men in the box to limit the run and put pressure on Crompton. Force him to make a mistake.

After West Virginia torched Auburn for two big plays early in a 41-30 Tiger win, that’s essentially the plan defensive coordinator Auburn Ted Roof employed. The result? Five Mountaineer interceptions and a Tiger win.

Auburn’s defense has issues. The Tigers allow a too-high 4.6 yards per play. Opponents average more than 150 yards rushing and more than 170 passing. Opponents score an average of 24 points per game.

That must improve for loftier season expectations to come to fruition. As it pertains to Saturday’s meeting, however, the Volunteers show no indication they are capable of taking advantage of the defensive questions the Tigers present.

Last season these two teams waged an epic battle on the floor of Jordan-Hare Stadium that resulted in 792 combined yards. Punting yards. Tennessee punted ten times for 399 yards, the Tigers nine for 393.

Given Auburn’s offensive prowess and the Tigers’ defensive questions, you may see another 800-yard effort—with no punts—on Saturday.

As the lights go down, you’ll also see a 5-0 Auburn team. The only question is whether poll voters will finally take notice.

However, they toss out this disclaimer after ranking Virginia Tech at #4: “Take the teams from No. 5 to, roughly, No. 35, throw them in a bag and pick them out, and you’d probably have the right order.”

Check it out:

5. Auburn 4-0

Last Week: W, Ball State 54-30
This Week: at Tennessee

Why the ranking is too high: The special teams are struggling a bit with no return game, and the home win over West Virginia a few weeks ago was a bit shaky needing turnovers to win. Auburn hasn’t gone on the road yet and now has to go away for three of the next four games.

Why the ranking is too low: The 49-24 win over Mississippi State in Week Two now looks really, really strong. The offensive line has been fantastic, and after the win over Ball State, Chris Todd and the passing game proved they can move the offense if needed.

Only 27 teams in Auburn history have started a season 4-0. Eight of those occurred after 1974.

Of the eight teams in the last 35 years that started 4-0, only two failed to win at least ten games. The 1994 Tigers reeled off nine before a closing with a tie and a loss. Auburn started 2000 with five consecutive wins before fading to 4-4 down the stretch.

Two of the eight finished the season without a loss.

Only one of the eight lost more than two games.

Three of the eight won the SEC West (one other would have but was on probation).

Six of the eight finished in the Top Ten. All eight were ranked at the end of the season.

Seven of the eight opened the season with at least five consecutive wins.

Of interest to fans of college football’s greatest rivalry, seven of the eight Auburn teams that opened 4-0 defeated cross-state rival Alabama.

The 2009 Auburn Tigers have a long way to go before they can start considering double digit win totals.

Auburn special teams are truly special, particularly if you’re using the term “special” to describe something malformed, hideous and shocking to the senses.

Against Ball State the Tigers fumbled a punt that led to a Cardinal touchdown, attempted a ill-timed and poorly-executed fake punt that helped Ball State put a field goal on the board, committed penalties that nullified the only quality punt and kick off returns, and did a poor job containing Cardinal kick returners.

Auburn head coach Gene Chizik said special teams were his focus after flops against Louisiana Tech and Mississippi State were costly. There seems to be little, if any, improvement.

Kicker Wes Byrum provides lone spark to the woeful special teams effort. Byrum appears to have regained the consistency he showed as a freshman and has been methodically efficient.

Defensive lapses are also particularly troubling.

The Tigers gagged up 30 points to a team that managed just ten against North Texas.

Auburn continues to display a frustrating inability to get the opposition off the field on third down.

Poor tackling continues to plague the Tigers.

Fortunately the Auburn offense has no such issues. Tiger quarterback Chris Todd continues to gain confidence and the Tiger offense has more than compensated for the defensive deficiencies.

Auburn racked up nearly 600 yards against the Cardinals despite sporadic struggles in the rushing game, including a dreadful failure on fourth down in the first quarter.

At some point during the SEC season, Auburn will run into a team that will put the clamps on the offense and the Tigers will have to lean on the defense to earn a win.

The Tiger stopping unit has so far shown no indication it is capable of holding up its end of the bargain.

Still, the Tigers are 4-0. It’s better to be 4-0 with clearly defined areas in need of improvement than 0-4 and performing at peak efficiency.

From a historical standpoint, the 4-0 start forecasts an expectation-defying season for Auburn.

The last Tiger team to start 4-0 banged out five straight wins, including a gutsy 24-17 win over South Carolina in Columbia. Auburn started 2006 ranked fourth and had a chance to leap into the number one spot before Arkansas derailed the winning streak and bounced Auburn out of the Top Ten 27-10.

The 2006 Tigers finished the season 11-2 and were ranked ninth after knocking off Nebraska in the Cotton Bowl.

Other Auburn teams that opened a season with four consecutive wins:

2004 — SEC Champions

Auburn won 13 straight games and finished the season ranked second in the nation. The Tigers were denied a shot in the BCS title game despite playing the toughest schedule among the top three teams and despite beating more top ten teams than the other two competitors combined.

2000 — SEC West Champions

Tommy Tuberville’s second Auburn team roared out to a 5-0 start behind the surprising dominance of junior college transfer Rudi Johnson. The Tigers climbed to 19th in the polls before dropping back-to-back games to Mississippi State and Florida. Auburn finished the year 9-4 after losses to Florida in the SEC Championship Game and Michigan in the Outback Bowl.

Auburn (9-4) closed 2000 ranked 18th.

1997 — SEC West Champions

A year before the Terry Bowden era imploded, quarterback Dameyune Craig helped power Auburn to a 6-0 start. The Tigers clawed their way to sixth in the poll before falling to number seven Florida. The 1997 Tigers lost to Tennessee and Peyton Manning 30-29 in the SEC Championship Game before upending Clemson in the Peach Bowl.

Auburn (10-3) finished the 1997 season ranked 11th.

1993 – 1994

Bowden’s Auburn tenure got off to an incredible start. Despite probation and limited expectations, his first Auburn team clicked off eleven consecutive wins, including a 22-14 win over Alabama.

Even though Auburn was the only major program in the country with an undefeated record of 11-0, the Tigers finished fourth in the polls.

The streak continued through the first nine games of 1994. Georgia halted the winning streak with a 23-23 tie before Alabama upended the Tigers 21-14 to end the season.

Auburn (9-1-1) was ranked ninth in the final poll in 1994.

1988 — SEC Champions

Auburn opened the 1988 campaign ranked seventh. Four wins later, the Tigers had surged to fourth when they visited Baton Rouge for a showdown against LSU Tigers. In a classic SEC bout, the Bayou Bengals set off seismic waves when a fourth quarter touchdown gained a 7-6 win.

The loss was probably the most frustrating of Dye’s career. Three straight shutouts followed and the Tigers only allowed 28 total points over the remaining six games of the season — all wins.

Had Auburn survived LSU, the Tigers would have played a typically overrated Notre Dame team in the Orange Bowl for the national title. Instead, Auburn got a Sugar Bowl bid and fell 13-7 to Deion Sanders and Florida State.

Auburn finished the season 10-2 and ranked eighth. 10-2

1986

In the first year of the post-Bo Jackson era, Pat Dye’s 1998 Tigers churned through seven straight games, rising as high as fifth in the polls, before 20th-ranked Florida rallied in the fourth quarter to eclipse Auburn 18-17. Georgia skimmed past the Tigers 20-16 two weeks later. Auburn smacked Rodney Peete and USC 16-7 in the Florida Citrus Bowl to finish 10-2, seven total points from an undefeated season.

The 10-2 Tigers closed 1986 ranked sixth.

1974

Auburn rolled up seven consecutive wins to open the 1974 campaign. Legendary Tiger coach Shug Jordan was one dismal season away from retirement and this was his last great team.

The Tigers finished 10-2 and were ranked 8th.

1972

One of the most cherished of all Auburn teams, the Amazin’s were expected to flounder after the departure of Heisman Trophy winning quarterback Pat Sullivan and record-setting receiver Terry Beasley. The team flourished instead.

Auburn won four straight before a loss at LSU. The Tigers rebounded and knocked out six consecutive wins to close the season. Included in that string was the famous Punt Bama Punt game, an improbable 17-16 Auburn win, and a 27-3 thrashing of Texas in the Cotton Bowl.

Auburn (10-1) finished the season ranked fifth.

1957 – 1971

Auburn started at least 4-0 on five occasions between 1957 and 1971

1971: Auburn won nine straight and finished 9-2
1970: Auburn won its first five and finished 9-2
1963: Six straight to open the season led to a 9-2 finish
1962: Auburn won its first five, but fell to 6-3-1
1957: The National Champion Tigers ran off 10 consecutive wins
1908 – 1921
Auburn opened with at least four consecutive wins in 1921 (5-3 overall), 1919 (8-1 overall), 1917 (6-2-1 overall), 1916 (6-2 overall), 1915 (6-2 overall), 1914 (8-0-1 overall), 1913 (8-0 overall), 1912 (7-1-1 overall), 1909 (6-2 overall), 1908 (6-1 overall), 1907 (7-0 overall), and 1900 (4-0 overall).

Predicting the outcome of an upcoming game normally takes a bit of research, particularly early in the season. For that reason, predictions normally come on Thursday, giving a few days to digest the events of the week that just transpired.

No such research is required this week.

The Auburn Tigers (3-0) will annihilate the Ball State Cardinals (0-3).

Little known fact: Joyce DeWitt, who played Janet on the 70s sitcom Three’s Company is a Ball State alumnus. Even if she and TV co-star Suzanne Sommers (in their prime) were prancing the sidelines Cardinal cheerleader outfits it wouldn’t help Ball State avoid a Saturday thrashing.

Auburn rides buoyed confidence after surviving both a monsoon and early roundhouse kicks from West Virginia 41-30 last Saturday night.

After the Mountaineers connected on a 58-yard pass on the opening series and a 71-yard run on their second possession enroute to a 14-0 first quarter lead, the Auburn defense changed tactics and denied the big play,

West Virginia managed just four plays of 20-plus yards over the remaining three and a half quarters. One of those came on the last snap of the game.

The Mountaineers were intent on making Auburn quarterback Chris Todd beat them with his arm. He did, throwing for 300 yards and four touchdowns.

While the Tigers are cresting, Ball State limps into Saturday’s meeting with more negative momentum than a Scott Baio TV pilot.

The Cardinals are reeling after three losses, one to an abysmal North Texas squad.

Ball State was a bowl team a year ago, but head coach Brady Hoke fled to San Diego State, where he is coincidentally the boss of former Auburn offensive coordinator Al Borges.

The Cardinal team that made the GMAC Bowl a year ago is also without record-setting quarterback Nate Davis, who leaped to the NFL and was drafted in the fifth round by San Francisco, as well as a handful of other significant skill players.

Little known fact: Jim Davis, cartoonist and creator of the Garfield comic strip is a graduate of Ball State. Not even Davis could draw up a scenario where the Cardinals have a chance.

North Texas spanked Ball State 20-10 in the opener. The Mean Green followed that with a loss to Ohio (not State) and a 53-7 thrashing at Alabama.

New Hampshire shocked the Cardinals in week two 23-16. The Wildcats are 2-0 with big showdowns against Hofstra, Dartmouth and Towson coming up. That’s right, New Hampshire is 1-AA.

Army punked Ball State 24-17 in the third week of the season. Army lost to Duke 35-19. In football, not basketball.

Of some consolation to Cardinal fans, at least the offense is improving each week. Ten to sixteen to seventeen.

Maybe against an Auburn defense that has struggled at times, Ball State can post 18 or even 19.

The host Tigers will likely match that in the first quarter.

It’s true you can’t do the comparative score analysis because it never works. If it did hold true, you could pencil in a pretty convincing win by LSU over USC given the results of their respective efforts at Washington.

Wait, bad example. Who’s to say those Tigers wouldn’t clock the Trojans? Obviously not ESPUSCN, but you have to look past their cam-crush on Pete and the men from Troy.

Back to Auburn and Ball State.

Little known fact: John Schattner, founder of the Papa John’s Pizza chain, is a graduate of Ball State’s Miller School of Business. Not even Papa John himself can deliver a Cardinal win.

Barring an unforeseen calamity of Biblical proportions, Auburn will win this game.

Since the outcome is all but pre-determined, what should Tiger fans hope to get out of the contest?

One, Auburn needs to get backup quarterback Neil Caudle some reps. Caudle fought his way to the number two slot in the signal calling pecking order and desperately needs to take significant snaps to help prepare him should he be needed in this campaign as well as to season him for his final Auburn campaign in 2010.

Two, the Tigers need to establish depth at the linebacker positions. With true freshmen and walk-ons pressed into duty, it is imperative for Auburn to get them accustomed to game speed. It’s not a matter of if they will be needed as with Caudle, but when.

Three, Auburn must see how it handles success. The win over West Virginia was emotionally draining, physically demanding and mentally challenging. Can the Tigers psych themselves up for an opponent that really offers little challenge?

Sandwiched between the revenge-motivated battle with West Virginia and a looming visit to Knoxville to face the Tennessee Volunteers, the Ball State game has all the hallmarks of a trap game.

In the past, Auburn has come out flat in similar circumstances. A week after one of the most physical, emotional games in Auburn history, a 7-3 win over LSU in 2006, the Tigers were listless against Buffalo. Auburn eventually prevailed 38-7, but the starters were unable to get the much-needed rest anticipated.

It is imperative for the Tigers to take Ball State by the throat, dominate early and let the second and third line players gain experience.

Four, Auburn must show it can handle looking ahead. Next week’s visit to Tennessee is one of four linchpins to Auburn’s season. The Rocky Top showdown grew significantly more interesting after the Volunteers tugged on Superman’s cape in the Swamp and effectively thwarted the Gator offense. Tennessee didn’t have enough offensive firepower to engineer a legitimate threat to the Florida dynasty– let’s face it, a wet firecracker has more pop — but the Vol defense sent a message.

The chess match between white-hot Auburn offensive coordinator Gus Malzahn and wizened Tennessee defensive guru Monte Kiffin will be well worth watching.

On Saturday, none of that anticipation can be in the minds or eyes of the Tigers. Take care of the business at hand first before looking to the next challenge.

Five, Auburn must develop additional weapons. Darvin Adams (three touchdown catches against West Virginia) has established himself as Auburn’s go-to receiver. Ben Tate and Onterrio McCalebb have turned the rushing game on its ear. For the Tigers to have continued success, DeAngelo Benton and Emory Blake must integrate themselves into the offense. Electric Mario Fannin needs more touches.

Ball State provides an opportunity to work on bringing more of the game to those potential game breakers.

And six, the Tiger defense must work on fundamentals. Poor tackling allowed West Virginia to gain positive yards when they should have been stopped for a loss.

Auburn can’t seem to get off the field on third down regardless of the distance. A team can’t surrender third and ten-plus yards and be successful on a consistent basis.

Little known fact: David Letterman, long time host of Late Night with David Letterman on CBS is an alumnus of Ball State. Not even Letterman can find the Top Ten reasons Ball State has a chance against the Tigers.

The last time Auburn and Ball State squared off, the result was a 63-3 Tiger win in 2006. That Auburn team, under Borges, averaged 32 points per game — one of only two Auburn offenses to average more than 30 points per game in the last decade.

The conservative approach once favored by the Tigers is out the window under Malzahn.

Auburn’s new offensive coordinator thrives on a fast pace.  His goal is to find creative ways to neutralize the defense. Malzahn’s offense probes for chinks in the defensive armor and then hammers relentlessly at those cracks until the armor crumbles under the pressure.

Forget field position, Malzahn believes every offensive possession should result in points.

That’s bad news for the Cardinals.

Little known fact: Current Ball State coach Stan Parrish has already led his Cardinals against a Malzahn-coached offense. When Hoke abandoned Muncie for sunny California, Parrish stepped in and directed the Ball State effort in the GMAC Bowl against Tulsa, where Malzahn directed the offense.

With less talent at Tulsa than he has at his disposal at Auburn, Malzahn’s Golden Hurricane offense rolled up 45 points in a 45-13 win.

On Saturday, 45 would be merciful.

A Day in the Life of Gus Malzhan

5:07 a.m.

Auburn offensive coordinator Gus Malzhan wakes up without the benefit of an alarm clock. He doesn’t need one, because the offensive machine that is his brain has a self-timer and turns on automatically.

Why not wake up at 5:00 or 5:15? Because waking up at 5:07 is not what people expect. Malzhan likes to keep them guessing. Tomorrow, he might wake up at 5:12.

His eyes open, he reaches for one of the four pens lined up on his nightstand. On a yellow legal pad, he sketches out the visions that came to him during his sleep. One involves the center turned sideways and snapping the ball directly to a wide receiver.

He once had an alarm clock, but one morning lined it up as a toaster. It was so successful at that position it now resides in his kitchen, where it is currently leading all appliances in charred-bread production.

5:45 – 7 a.m.

Malzhan eats breakfast.

His alarm clock has the toast prepared. Malzhan has a three-minute egg—trimmed down to a 1:11—and a bowl of instant oatmeal. He is working on something faster than instant because the oatmeal’s pace annoys him, but he hasn’t yet figured out how to rip the time-space continuum and have it cooked before it is opened.

After breakfast, Malzhan retrieves the paper from the front porch. It’s always sitting perfectly on his door mat. When he first moved to the neighborhood, he had to retrieve the paper from the bushes a few times, but he took the paperboy aside and showed him an overhand throwing technique that allows him to make both the short and long throws with accuracy.

He also took a look at the paperboy’s route and re-ordered a couple of stops. What used to take the paperboy two hours to complete now takes an hour and 16 minutes. Malzhan is convinced he can still trim that by four minutes.

He never reads the sports section, because it only tells him what has happened. Malzhan is more interested in what will happen.

He works the Soduku puzzle. In pen. Instead of whole numbers, Malzhan uses values like 4.25 and 3.333 to make it more interesting. He finishes in four minutes and nine seconds. The numbers all add up.

He works the crossword puzzle. In pen. He forgoes English and uses words from a variety of different languages to complete the grid. He finishes in six minutes and 34 seconds. The words all connect. Reading them sequentially, he has written a short story warning about the travails of inefficiency. And a haiku.

Malzhan doesn’t read the comics. He doesn’t have time to laugh.

Besides, he noticed something about Lucy’s hold that could help Charlie Brown connect with the football. He’s also got some advice on the number of steps Brown takes before attempting the kick.

If he cut those down, he’s sure Brown could score on the play. But Charles Schultz is dead and won’t take his calls, so he can’t get it corrected. This annoys Malzhan.

Malzhan spends The remainder of the morning sorting out his impressive visor collection.

7:04 a.m.

Malzhan departs for work. Today it’s 7:04. Tomorrow? You’ll have to wait and see.

Yesterday, Malzhan turned left out of his driveway. Today, he turns right.

Yesterday, he drove a unicycle to work because he could dodge between cars and get there faster.

Today, he’s on foot. Carrying a canoe. Malzhan cuts across the field across from his abode, drops the canoe in a stream, floats under the highway and steers it to the creek bank. He carries the canoe up a hill and then slides down the grass to the parking lot. He parks the canoe in his space and heads into his office.

His boss, Gene Chizik, left for work at 6:45 and had less distance to cover than Malzhan. When Chizik arrives after fighting morning traffic, Malzhan’s canoe is already parked. For all Chizik knows, there will be a pair of rollerskates and a box of bottle rockets in Malzhan’s space tomorrow. He’s no longer surprised.

8:12 a.m. – 10:03 a.m.

Why 8:12? Because… yeah, the element of surprise.

Malzhan watches samurai movies and Westerns. Not because he enjoys them, but because the samurai teach him methods of attack and the Westerns give him ideas for herding. He sometimes likes to think of his offenses as cowboys on horseback herding the defenses where they want them to go.

Then branding them.

Malzhan thinks cows are dumb. Like opposing defenders. He likes to brand them. Lots of opposing defenders carry his searing, still-smoking brand.

10:04 – 12:18

For over two hours, Malzhan does nothing but sketch plays. In pen.

The first 23 minutes are devoted solely to the sideways snap to the wide receiver concept that came to him in a vision. By 10:31, the play has fourteen variations depending on personnel.

In one, the center becomes an eligible receiver. Malzhan knows this isn’t permitted by NCAA rules, but he likes thinking up things like this in case he’s ever in charge of the NCAA and can eliminate such ridiculous constraints. The NCAA annoys him.

Malzhan has his secretary draft a letter to the NCAA asking them to consider a variety of changes, including one that would allow the entire offensive line to go in motion, leaving a receiver to snap the ball.

His secretary types 432 words per minute, and he’s convinced he can have her hitting the 450 mark by December.

Malzhan checks in with offensive line coach Jeff Grimes to see if he’s ever taught a sideways snapping technique. When Grimes says no, Malzhan drops to the ground, grabs a potted plant and executes a perfect sideways snap down the hallway.

“Like that,” he says.

In the quiet of his office, Chizik hears the potted plant hit the wall and explode. He sighs, but doesn’t look up. Yesterday Malzhan destroyed a picture frame while explaining a new blocking alignment to receivers coach Curtis Luper.

The day before that, Malzhan tore off all the moulding around Chizik’s door to demonstrate a potential offensive set he’d learned from a samurai movie.

Malzhan returns to the office, takes his sketches, orders them in a notebook and puts them in a safe. His safe is large because it contains 1,697 notebooks. Each notebook contains 1,000 pages. Each page contains five offensive plays.

Later he’ll have his secretary laminate the pages. On game day. he’ll pull one page out of one book at random. Doesn’t matter which book. It’s all he needs.

Malzhan knows that if archeologists from the planet Barbaton find his notebooks a thousand years from now, they’ll be able to use the information contained in them to score against the rival Trampatodes. A lot.

12:19 – 1:14

Malzhan eats breakfast again. Sort of.

Yes, it’s supposed to be lunch time, but Malzhan likes to keep people guessing. He orders two pancakes smothered in onion gravy. He’s ordered the same thing for three straight days. When he comes back tomorrow, the waitress will think she knows what he’s going to do.

Boy will she be surprisesd.

Malzhan will order French toast with ranch dressing tomorrow. The waitress won’t know what hit her. It’s part of the plan.

1:14 – 1:18

Malzhan draws devil horns, glasses and a beard on a picture of Houston Nutt. Just for fun, he blacks out a few of Nutt’s teeth.

1:24 – 6:36

The remainder of Malzhan’s work day is occupied with practice and team meetings.

The matters discussed during this time are privileged and confidential. Were they disclosed, you’d have to be debriefed. Nobody wants you walking around without your briefs.

Besides, the totality of Malzhan’s overall scheme is too much for the average mind to handle. If you saw it, you couldn’t comprehend it. You would drive yourself insane trying to grasp it.

Does a tree that falls in the forest make noise if no one is there to hear it? Malzhan knows the answer to this question. He also knows how to make the tree lead the nation in total fallage. And foliage.

But forestry isn’t his passion. Too bad for the trees.

6:37 – on

From 6:37 on, Malzhan isn’t a football coach any more. He’s just an average dad, playing with his kids, talking to his wife and doing the normal mundane things every dad in the world does.

If every dad were an offensive genius.

He helps his wife with the dishes by first drawing out an alignment where the youngest child lines up behind his wife and takes a direct snap of the rinsed glasses so he can place them on the dishwasher rack. Dishwashing time is trimmed in half. Malzhan knows, because he times it with a stopwatch.

He reads to his children, taking care to explain that Hansel and Gretel could easily have avoided the grasp of the witch if Hansel had lined up in an offset formation and been used as a decoy. He would have drawn the witch in, and before she realized what was happening, the pair could have scored a huge snack from her gingerbread house.

Malzhan also thinks the three little pigs should have gone on the offensive, as they clearly had a numbers advantage on the wolf.

When he and his wife retire for the night, she puts her foot down.

“Offensive genius or not, Mr. Malzhan, you’re leaving the stopwatch on the counter. You are not bringing it in there,” she says with a nod of her head toward the bedroom door.

Malzhan contemplates pointing out how many more times he can score when he’s efficient, but in the end agrees.

Besides, he has a clock in his head and she can’t stop him from ticking off the mental seconds. It’s all about precision and timing.

The house, long dark, grows quiet.

As Malzhan drifts off to sleep, the wheels in his brain start to spin, conjuring up new visions, new formations, new ways to attack defenses. Tomorrow morning when he wakes at 5:12, or maybe 5:03, he’ll start a new day of sketching, scheming and planning.

Malzhan’s sleep is peaceful.

Around the country, however, ten head coaches and ten defensive coordinators who know they will soon match wits with Malzhan across the football field do not sleep nearly as soundly.

Their dreams are not so pleasant.

It seems like it’s been a long time since Auburn football was fun.

It hasn’t really, but the ache of 2008 was so strong that it feels like Auburn fans have been wandering the proverbial desert for 40 years.

New offensive coordinator Gus Malzhan is well on the road to changing that dynamic.

In his first two games with the Tigers, Malzhan has helped shred the team’s offensive record books, sent the scoreboard pinwheeling and put the Tigers at as solid a 2-0 as could have possibly been hoped for.

To say that Malzhan’s offense has so far exceeded expectations is like saying Kate Beckinsale is sort of pretty.

The evolution of that offense and the potential it brings to a Tiger team that has watched numerous seasons bog down with offensive inefficiency, adds a whole new dimension to fun at Jordan Hare Stadium.

How fun was Saturday night’s 49-24 demolition of Mississippi State?

It was mascot Aubie dancing with the band fun.

In the game’s final five minutes, fans were watching a play-by-play yardage total on the Jumbotron, urging the second team to gain a few more yards so Auburn could top 600 total on the night.

The Tigers didn’t quite get there, finishing with 589. Still, it was the second straight 500-plus yard outing for a Tiger offense that had difficulty gaining any yardage a year ago.  Through two games, the Tigers have amassed a school-record 1,145 yards.

Auburn didn’t break the 1,100 yard mark as a team until the fourth game of 2008.

Ben Tate and Onterrio McCalebb both topped the 100-yard mark for the second straight time. It’s the first time in school history two backs have gone over 100 yards in consecutive games.

Tate finished with 157 yards and didn’t play a single snap in the first quarter.  McCalebb added 115 on just 15 carries.  Both Tate and McCalebb averaged more than seven yards per attempt.

Tate finished 2008 with 664 yards, even after rushing for 117 in the season opener. The Tiger senior has racked up 272 already in 2009.

Kodi Burns ran for three touchdowns and passed for another on a well executed run fake that drew the entire Mississippi State defense in.

Auburn put up 49 points (and should have had more) against a Mississippi State team traditionally known for its defense.

Auburn scored more than 40 points only once in the last three seasons: a 55-20 win over New Mexico State in 2007.

The combined total of 86 points through two games is the best since Auburn put 63 on Ball State and followed that with 37 against Western Kentucky in 2005.

Auburn’s two-game total margin of victory, 49 points, is the widest of any two consecutive games since Auburn blasted Washington State 40-14 and then hammered Mississippi State 34-0 in 2006.

Last season’s well-chronicled 5-7 debacle aside, Auburn won a lot of games over the last few years. The Tigers posted nine wins in 2005, 11 in 2006 and nine more in 2007.

So many of those were gut wrenching, close ball games where the Tigers relied on their defense to hold the opposition at bay while the offense did just enough to win.  The record is littered with 23-17, 22-15, 17-3 type scores.

Former head coach Tommy Tuberville, despite a reputation as a riverboat gambler, grew increasingly conservative over the course of his 10-year Auburn tenure.

The 2009 edition of the Tigers under new head coach Gene Chizik seemingly has no such conservative bent.

Case in point: Mississippi State blocked a second quarter punt to take a 17-14 lead with just 4:44 remaining in the first half.

In previous seasons, the Tigers might have been content to play it safe, run out the clock and plan for the second half.

No longer. Auburn roared 80 yards in just five plays, burning a mere 1:36 off the clock to retake the lead. McCalebb covered the final 48 yards on a charge around left end.

When the defense held Mississippi State to one first down on its ensuing possession, the Auburn coaching staff judiciously used its timeouts to preserve the clock.

Auburn got the ball back at its own 22 with just 1:29 remaining.

Sit on the ball and protect the lead? No thanks.

Todd hit Darvin Adams for 21 yards on a third and eight.

After a five-yard bullrush by Tate, Todd and Adams connected again for 28 yards.  A 20-yard Todd to Adams completion moved the ball to the Bulldog one with 21 seconds still remaining.

Burns plunged in from there for one of his three touchdowns on the night.

Instead of taking a 17-14 deficit and a basket of questions to the halftime locker room, the Tigers posted two scores in the final 4:44 and carried a truckload of confidence to the break.

The Bulldogs were never a factor after that.

Yes, it’s only Louisiana Tech and Mississippi State.  Tech may struggle this season as evidenced by the 32-7 thrashing administered by Navy on Saturday.

MSU may not win a single conference game and most observers peg the Bulldogs as the league’s worst team.

But the Auburn of the last five years didn’t beat the Louisiana Techs and Mississippi States as thoroughly as this Auburn team did.  Those Auburn teams won more than their share of games.

It’s too early to begin building the Gene Chizik pedestal. It’s not time to start minting the Gene Chizik coins.  Unless you live in Iowa, where that was already done, that is.

It is time to recognize that if nothing else, Chizik and his staff have found a way to make football at Auburn fun again.

Now it’s time to see if they can make the Tigers relevant.  The road to relevance starts with 2-0 West Virginia on Saturday.

To the casual observer, there was very little difference between Auburn’s 2008 season opener and the 2009 debut.

In both season openers, the Tigers subdued an inferior opponent from the state of Louisiana with a strong second half showing.  In 2008, Auburn clubbed Louisiana Monroe 34-0. Last Saturday night, the Tigers devoured Louisiana Tech 37-13.

In both games, Auburn scored in low double figures in the first half. Against the Louisiana Monroe Warhawks, Auburn posted 17 first half points. The Tigers managed 13 against the Bulldogs of Louisiana Tech last week.

In both cases Auburn put up impressive offensive totals. Auburn racked up 406 yards against the Warhawks and piled on 556 against the Bulldogs.

Auburn Offensive Coordinator Gus Malzahn

Both offenses were paced by a punishing rushing attack. Auburn chewed up 321 yards on the ground against Louisiana Monroe while churning for 301 against Louisiana Tech.

Ben Tate topped the 100-yard mark against both the Warhawks and Bulldogs, gaining 115 yards in 2008 and 117 last Saturday.

That’s where the similarities ended.

Despite last year’s score and the grind-it-out ground game that provided the final margin, even the most ardent Auburn fan had reservations about the ability of the offense to execute. Regardless of the final score, it was readily apparent that Tony Franklin’s offensive system was rife with flaws. It was a disaster in the making.

Auburn didn’t score an offensive touchdown against Louisiana Monroe until the third quarter. First half scores came on a punt return and a fumble recovery.  Four of Auburn’s  first half drives in 2008 consisted of four or fewer plays. Only one seven possessions gained more than 24 yards.

Compare that to Saturday’s first half against Louisiana Tech: Five first half possessions, only one of which covered fewer than 26 yards.  There were no three-and-out possessions. Two possessions gained more than 60 yards each covered 10-plus plays and both resulted in points.

Franklin refused to name a starter in 2008 and eventually flip-flopped between Chris Todd and Kodi Burns in last year’s opener, a situation which did neither potential signal caller any favors. Both were ineffective.

New Auburn offensive coordinator Gus Malzahn turned the reins over to Todd and the results were obvious.

A year ago, Todd was a woeful 9 of 18 for 70 yards. He threw one interception and one TD pass.

On Saturday, Todd was 17 of 26.  He didn’t throw a pick. He threw two touchdown passes. One to Terrell Zachery covered 93 yards and was the longest in school history. An 87-yard strike from Jason Campbell to Silas Daniels in 2004 was the previous longest. It came against Louisiana Tech in a 52-7 Tiger win.

Todd’s rehabilitated shoulder allowed him to make throws that proved problematic a season ago, but the greater improvement came in him not having to look over his shoulder and worry about making a mistake.

When a quarterback understands that a single errant throw is not going to bring out the hook, it allows him to settle into the game.  There’s no question Todd’s confidence grew over the course of the win. He was a better quarterback at the end of the game than he was at the opening kick.

His best throw of the night wasn’t the 93-yarder, but a 17 yard touch pass in the fourth to Darvin Adams that gave Auburn a 30-13 lead and sealed the win.  The third-and-sixteen lob showed his confidence as well as confirmed the positive results of his shoulder rehab. It was a throw that Todd likely would not have been able to execute a year ago.

The coaching staff did not neglect Burns. The former starting quarterback was given ample opportunity to shine in his new role as a situational receiver and ball carrier in the ballyhooed Wildcat formation.

Burns came through, converting several critical possessions with elusive runs and scoring the Tigers’ first touchdown.

In addition to Tate’s 100-plus yard rushing night, freshman Onterio McCalebb broke the 100-yard plateau, gaining 148 yards.  He is only the second freshman in Auburn history to gain more than 100 yards in a season opener.

The last to do so? Bo Jackson, who rolled up 123 against Wake Forest in 1982.

McCalebb’s quickness is an excellent contrast to Tate’s more direct, bruising style and gives Auburn a potent offensive weapon.

Auburn also seemed to have added spark from the receiving corps, a weak spot for the Tigers in 2008. While heralded freshman DeAngelo Benton was shut out, Todd did spread the wealth among Mario Fannin, Adams, Zachery and Tate.

Auburn also exhibited a willingness to take calculated risks that harkened back to former coach Tommy Tuberville’s early riverboat gambler persona.

Auburn took possession at its own 39 with just 23 seconds remaining in the first half. Tech had just kicked a field goal to tie the game at 10-all.  Instead of standing pat, Auburn attacked.  McCalebb rumbled for nine yards on first down. Todd rifled a pass for 20 yards across the middle to Fannin on second down. On the last play of the half, Wes Byrum nailed a 49-yard field goal.

Instead of a 10-10 tie and questions, Auburn carried a 13-10 lead and momentum to the locker room.

The series was perfectly executed and showed moxy on the part of the coaching staff.

At the conclusion of the 2008 season opener, the general feeling was one of unease and concern. The win over Louisiana Monroe was so loaded with warning signs and red flags that only the most oblivious could have missed them.

There is no such unease after Saturday’s debut.  New head coach Gene Chizik and his staff put together a solid game plan that maximized the team’s strengths, allowed its quarterback to grow into his role, and provided a solid win that sets the tone.

All wasn’t sunshine and roses, however.  The Tigers had a handful of defensive breakdowns, particularly in costly penalties that must be avoided as the season progresses. A series of facemask penalties extended a Louisiana Tech drive and helped lead to its only touchdown of the night.

Two fumbles also prevented potential scoring opportunities. One, a Tate fumble inside the Bulldog ten in the first half almost certainly took points off the board. The second, on Auburn’s first drive of the third, gave momentum to Louisiana Tech and had the Bulldogs knocking at the door.

Freshman Darren Bates quelled that threat with an interception at the Tiger two yard line. Two plays later Todd hit Zachery on an out-and-up and Auburn was in control.

That’s the difference a year makes.

A year ago, the fumble would likely have eroded Auburn’s confidence and led to a mental breakdown.

This year, in this game at least, a moment of adversity didn’t become a tsunami.

September 5, 2009

Auburn 37, Louisiana Tech 13